Friday, August 6, 2010

Bravery

~ Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. ~

Found this quote and thought how appropriate for today. I am going to be doing something today that I really haven't let many people know about. So letting them know I am afraid is not really possible without telling them why, and I am ashamed to tell them why so I have try to be brave. Something really big that effects mine and my parents future is happening today. I am so afraid that I will mess it up or say the wrong thing or the person will be really mean or judgmental. This is totally bringing up one of my biggest fears. It is causing me great anxiety over it. I know what it means for my future.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Take: Quotes 4

1. Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.

-To be successful at something it take time. In running you aren't going to be a success over night it will take time you have to be patient. Recovery isn't going to happen overnight it will take time. To be successful at something you must continually pursue it. In running you must continuously persistently work towards your goal. In recovery you can't quit because of one bad meal you must pursue it and not quit. To be successful requires hard work. You must work hard in running to be successful at it, no matter what your goal is. In recovery it isn't going to come easy it is going to take hard work if you want to be successful. So no matter what you want to do, if you want to be successful at it you must be patient and give it time and not quit or give up because it doesn't happen immediately; you must be persistent you have to keep working at it no matter what is going on you must never give up you must keep working at it; you must perspire if you want to be successful which means you are going to have to work hard at whatever it is you are trying to accomplish, things aren't going to just happen you have to work hard to make them happen.

2. People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be.
-The minute you are able to change your mind from I can't or I'm not going to, to I can or I am going to, you have already became successful. The minute you decide you can do something or you are going to do something you have already took the first step towards success. So the minute you decide you are going to run a 100 miler or a sub 3 hour marathon or are going to recover you have taken the first step in success. So the minute you think you can and are capable of running a 100 miler and get out the door to start training for it is the minute you become successful same for a sub 3 hour marathon. The minute you put your mind to recovery you have already started the success. Deciding you can do something or are going to do something lets you begin on the path to success.

3. I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard work. That is the recipe. It will not always get you to the top, but should get you pretty near.
-Even the most talented people had to work hard to get where they are, maybe they don't have to work as hard as you do, but they still had to put in hard work to be successful. Hard work doesn't guarantee you are going to be the very best at something, but it does mean you can be the best you are capable of being. In running if you want to be successful and reach a goal of placing, a time goal, or a distance goal you are going to have to work hard to reach the goal, it isn't just going to come to you. If you want to place you are going to have to put a lot of hard work and a lot of hour of training to do so. If you want to run a certain distance you are going to have to put the miles in and if you want to run a certain time you are going to have to do the pace training needed. If you want to recover you are going to have to work hard, those that work hard at recovery are the ones that are successful those that don't work hard are the ones likely to relapse, but they didn't do the work necessary. Hard work does not guarantee you will be the very best but it does mean you can be successful at your goal. If you want to reach your goals and get to your bet you have to work hard.

4. I feel that the most important requirement in success is learning to overcome failure. You must learn to tolerate it, but never accept it.
-In life, in anything you do there is going to be failures but you must never let these failures discourage you, you must never accept them and declare defeat you should learn to tolerate that failure is likely to happen and be prepared for it to happen and learn from it when it does happen and importantly overcome it, but you must never just accept it and quit if you want to be successful. You must overcome the failure to be successful. In running and recovery you are going to have off or bad days, but it is overcoming them, learning from them, getting past them, tolerating them and never accepting them as the final result that will allow you to become successful. There are many reason that can interfere with what we are working on, something can happen and maybe we don't get that much mileage or we don't get that fast of time as we wanted or in recovery you don't hit your daily requirements. It is learning to understand these days will happen and begin able to overcome them and not just quitting and saying that's it I can't go faster, further, or eat the right amount that will allow you to be successful. You must overcome each failure and move on and not accept it as the final result that will allow you to be successful.

5. Never mind what others do; do better than yourself, beat your own record from day to day, and you are a success.
-You can't control how good someone is. Whether it be how fast they can run, how far they can run or how fast they are able to recover. You can only control yourself. You shouldn't compare yourself to others you should compare yourself to yourself. See how you are doing based on how you did before. Are you getting better, faster, stronger, healthier. To be successful doesn't mean you have to be the best at something, most likely there is always going to be someone better. So forget what others are capable of doing and focusing on what you are capable of and how you can improve to be better. Some things just are easier for others. You must learn not to base your success on what others are doing. If I was to do that I would have to say I was a failure at Nationals. Yes my last couple of miles were an epic failure but the race overall was definitely not a failure. It was my first competitive ultra, my first 50k and I finished in 3rd overall (Behind the World Champ in the 50 and 100 k's), I was the first in my age groups and ran a 3:46:30, good enough to get me selected to Worlds. But if I look at it well like Kami beat me so bad that my whole race was a failure, I'll never see the things I did accomplish. I can't compare myself to Kami, she is a different person we don't do, eat, train the same way. So in order to see if I was successful I need to compare myself to myself. Same with recovery we are all going to be at different steps in the process and we are each going to take a different amount of time to work through each step of recovery and because someone was able to fully recovery in 60 days of treatment doesn't mean you are a failure because it took you 90 days or more. You must look at yourself and compare it to how you were doing to see if you are successful at anything because you can't control what someone else is capable of. We are all our own people.

6. Good work habits help develop an internal toughness and a self-confident attitude that will sustain you through every adversity and temporary discouragement
-If you are a hard worker and do what you are suppose to do on the inside you can be confident in yourself and develop a mental toughness that no matter what you are faced with in running, recovery, life you know you can pull through it no matter how much it brings you down at the moment. This one basically speaks for itself. If you are a hard worker and dedicated runner and know you always do your best then if you it a down point in a race and get discouraged or something goes wrong you know because of the work you have done that you can pull through it. In recovery if you are working hard and always give it your best no matter what happens a slip up, a challenging food or something in your personal life that threatens your recovery if you know you have always gave it your all you can and will pull through it no matter how discouraged you feel at the moment you will be able to pull things back together. So always putting the best you can into something can give you the confidence and toughness to know you can get through anything that comes up.

7. History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
- I like this quote but right now I have been handed so many defeats... I just am not in the mood to write about it.. so if you would like to please by all means leave me a message..... I guess I need to read the quote again because the last line says they won because they were not discouraged by their defeats.... well I am working on not letting it defeat me but it's a work in progress......

8. The first principle of success is desire - knowing what you want. Desire is the planting of your seed.
- To succeed at something you have to want to do it. Whether it be you want to do it because you want to keep your job or because you love it and it's a goal and you want to get better or you want to recover. The first step to success is just getting yourself to want to do it. Once you know you want to do it you can go out there and do it and successfully do whatever it is you are trying to do. If it's wanting to run a sub 3:00 marathon or a 100 miler something inside you has to want to do it, that desire you have is the start, or seed, to being successful at it. You know what you want now you just have to go after it. If it's recovery and you have the desire to get better you have planted the seed to start healing and becoming recovered. This doesn't mean just because you want something or have the desire for something you will be successful, you will have to put the work into it to be successful.

9. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
-Everything you do, in order to improve, no matter how big or small is leading to your goal or success. Sometimes we aren't ready to make a huge leap at once. Sometimes it is those small little things you do day after day that will add up to the success you want. If you want to be faster it could be knock a couple seconds off my time today compared to yesterday. If you want to run further it could be just adding an extra couple of tenths of a mile each day. In recovery it can be so many things. Adding 10 extra calories day, working on stop doing a food ritual each day work on doing it less and less, drink something with calories a drink more everyday. So many more things.... But it's all these little things regardless of your circumstance, that add up together to get you to be successful.

10. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-I had someone constantly tell me how they were a great runner and I was just a good runner. And this wasn't just once or twice this was numerous times. This would bring me down every time they said it making me feel worse and worse and that I wasn't good enough. This constantly got pounded into my head for like a month and I started to doubt my ability and what I was capable of ever doing no matter how hard I trained. I am slowly starting to believe in myself again and think that I can run what my goals are. It was also pounded into me that I wasn't ready to run so far yet and that I am not able to compete at that distance and slowly I am regaining confidence that I am able to run this distance. The ties between the person were cut and that is how slowly I am able to be regaining my confidence in my ability. But this person totally belittled my goals and also in fact completely set a different set of goals for me. It has taken awhile to get over these words and I still don't think I am completely over them. But this was not a good situation for my running or self confidence definitely not someone I should have been around. I am now surrounded by people who think I can be good. They don't expect anything from me but my best and they believe I have the ability to be good. They let me set my goals and help me to get to them. They don't discourage me from my goals and if there is a difference in opinion we talk about it and compromise. (Mainly the difference was about when to compete at certain distance, not that I wasn't capable but I could do better if I waited and got more experience and I saw the opinion and agreed with it so we changed some goals to push them back a few years). But being around such a person that constantly telling me I am not good enough and what not brought me down so much and now I am forced to try to bring myself back up. It is best that I just forget everything about this person and keep away from them. It was a bad mistake that I had to learn the hard way of how some people can truly be no matter how much you might have looked up to them, stay away from people that will bring you down. No matter whether it is someone bring you down in running or in life or with recovery stay clear of these people, as much as you might love them they are not helping you by bringing you down and telling you what you can't do. Hang around people that encourage you and want to see you succeed. Annette B. is a great example of this she encourages me so much. She is truly amazing. No matter what my goal she always pushes me to help get it. Beware of people and their motives they are not always seem as they are. Also just another thing that kind of relates to this If someone constantly tells you "the sky is the limit," don't let them for 2 reasons first "there are footprints on the moon" BUT more importantly they are putting limits on you, don't let them bring you down by placing limits on you.


Monday, January 18, 2010

My Take: Quotes 3

1. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

-To get started on something you have to have some motivation, even if you don't want to do it something will motivate you to start. In running it could be your love for it, wanting to improve, the peace it brings you, be around others, the feeling you get from it, the independence of it, health there is something that makes you get out there and get started. In recovery it's the wanting to get better, maybe you hit a turning point and realized you no longer want to live that way, you saw or heard of a friend that is extremely sick because of it and what is going on with her you don't want to happen to you, maybe it's wanting a better life, maybe it's for your family and friends, maybe you have worked through the issue that caused it and are ready to commit to recovery. Something gets you motivated to start whatever it is. In running it becomes something you do daily it becomes a habit and you continue to do it. You keep doing it for whatever reason got you started it is something you need to do for whatever reason and you just keep going because it is what you know. It is what you have learned to do. In recovery it's relearning things you stopped doing and consistently doing them over and over until they are hait and then you start to do it because it becomes what you know and what you are suppose to do and what will help you get better. So something will get you motivated to start but you will continue it, like a habit, because it's what you know so you keep doing it.

2. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.
-If you are willing to go after something with everything you have, you can get it. If you have the courage to start something that you are dreaming of and continually work at it your dream can come true. So if there is some running goal you are dreaming of and are willing to put the work in it takes to get it then that dream can become reality. If you are dreaming of recovery and have the courage to choose to go after recovery with everything you can no matter how hard it is going to be, if you can see yourself getting better and are willing to put the effort in you can recover. "If you can dream it, you can do it."

3. If you have a great ambition take as big a step as possible in the direction of fulfilling it, but if the step is only a tiny one, don't worry if is the largest one now possible.
-If you really want something, go after it with everything you have right now, even if what you have is not a lot, give it your all and that small step you made to get it will soon become more steps and soon even bigger steps but you just give whatever you can give now with everything you have and you can get what you are after. In running if you have set a time or distance goal most likely when you set the goal it is not something that you can accomplish right then you are going to have to work for it. In running if it's a new distance you are after but maybe you are in the best shape right now or are coming back from an injury taking a small step past the distance you went last time is something. If you have ran a marathon and are going to try to run your first 50k but have never run further then 26.2 miles and are not sure you are able to go past that distance put your goal at getting an extra .3 in and trying for 26.5 miles. So maybe it's not that much further and you know you can go further but just aren't ready yet, you are just that much closer to your goal of the 50k distance. Every small step you take is going to put you closer and closer to your goal and soon those steps will become bigger and that 50k distance won't be anything and you'll be thinking of your first 50 miler. But it's the fact that you gave it your all to get to that goal even though you had to start small that made the victory possible. If you are trying to recovery just doing one thing differently then what you would normally have don will be putting you on the road to recovery. Even if you aren't ready to eat a full meal yet, just sitting down to the meal is a small step (well actually it's kinda big in some ways) but it is a step in the right direction to gt what you are after. To recovery you know you are going to have to take bigger steps but right now every small step you can take adds up and soon before you know it recovery is looking possible and the steps you are taking are getting bigger and bigger and you are handling them as they come and getting through them successfully. And before you know it ou might be able to say "I am recovered." So if you want something really bad and are willing to put your best effort into it no matter how small the step may be, it's taking that first baby step that will get you to where you want to be.

4. The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race.
-So often we cross a finish line or come to the end of something and that is the end of it. If you did good you think wow that is what all my training was for if you did bad you think I did all that training for nothing. Instead when we cross that finish line we should be looking for what is the next race or thing we can accomplish. Like in recovery, you finished step 3 now you aren't done it means you are ready to start step 4. Something new is always awaiting for you when you "cross that finish line." There is always the next race, next goal, next step, always something to look forward to. Don't think of the finish line as an ending think of it as a beginning. You met one challenge now it's time for the next. Always be looking for that next journey to come up!

5. The secret of success is to put your heart, mind, intellect and soul into even your smallest acts.
-If you want to be successful in whatever it is you are doing, running recovery, etc... you need to put everything you have into it. Your heart needs to be your driving force, the reason you are doing it. Your mind needs to be made of what you are going to do. You need to use your intellect to be smart about what you are trying to accomplish so you can accomplish it. And your soul, your everything, you need to put this into everything you do if you want success. You have to feel it on the inside to be truly successful at something. If you set a running goal or a recovery goal and hope to be successful you need to stand behind t with your heart mind, intellect and soul. It has to be something you want to accomplish with you heart and soul. You need to use your mind and intellect to get you to successfully accomplish your goal. Put everything in to what you want and it shall be yours.

6. This is the foundation of success - having confidence in yourself and applying yourself with all your might to your work.
-To be successful in something you have to have confidence you can do it before you start and you must be willing to work to get it. Self confidence is extremely important thing to have whether in recovery or running. When I didn't have self confidence in running the mountain hard, I wasn't able to do it. The next week out on the roads I told myself i could run those hills and I was easily able to run them hard. If I say I can't recover then I never will be able to. But if I have confidence that I can recover and am willing to work hard at it I can be successful at it. So not only must you have confidence to be successful but you must also be willing to work hard to be successful. Confidence alone won't get you there. And you can work as hard as you want but don't have confidence in it you won't be as successful as if you do have confidence that you can do it.

7. Some succeed because they are destined to, But most succeed because they are determined to.
-I believe some people are just given or are blessed with a natural ability, and that is great, but that is not the majority of us. Some are just born with a "silver spoon in their hand." These people are destined to succeed. But for the rest of us if we want to succeed at something we have to be determined to by being dedicated, working hard and believing in ourselves and going out there and doing it day after day. For some people recovery comes natural to and they don't have an enormous struggle. Some people can afford the best treatment in the world to get better. But others of us have to work at it second after second always fighting against ourselves and our warped beliefs. Others of us have to have a mind framed determined to recover no matter what. We have to work hard for it every single second of every single day. And we have to believe we can recover to be successful at it. With running you have to be determined to reach your goal whether it be for distance and or time. You have to go out and work hard for it everyday. And you have to believe in yourself and the fact that you can reach that goal to be successful. So some people are naturally going to succeed, while others of us will have to be head strong and fight for it.

8. Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
-If everything is smooth sailing for you and nothing goes wrong that is not making you a stronger person that is keeping you the person you are. You don't have to be strong when you are really weak, you aren't going to fall apart to have to rise again. You don't have to fight for anything everything is coming naturally to you. You aren't changing who you are, you aren't growing as a person. It's the people that go through hard times of 'trials and suffering' that develop their character, for good or bad. A person that hits a trial can hit a low point and wants to give up but their character won't let them so they push on and are a stronger person for it. They can be down on their hands and knees so weak and not wanting to fight just wanting to give up and give in but in comes their true character and they become strong and never quit. These people that go through a rough time and persevere that inspire others. If they can successful make it through one trial they know they will get through the next no matter how hard they are tested. You see these people real character come out when times are bad. And they become stronger people because of what they have been thorough. This can be applied to running by the fact that people that are going through the race with ease and no pain(quietness) aren't really achieving something, even if they are winning, they aren't giving it their best most likely. It is those people that you see that are in pain and suffering that are able to pull and push through it that are successful and inspire others regardless of the front of the pack or the back of the pack. As they push through they are becoming a new stronger person. In recovery if someone is not struggling a little and not feeling and pain (so being in ease and quietness) aren't dealing with the problem. They aren't becoming stronger people it might look like they are and that they are being successful but they will be the first one to falter. It's those of us that pushes ourselves and go through dealing with the pain of our eating disorder and what brought it on that can become successful and recovery. They deal with whatever it is they need to and become a new person, they are able to inspire others with their recovery efforts. So it is not the person that goes through life/running/recovery with ease and quietness that inspire others, become a new person and are successful it is us that go through the trials and sufferings that do these things.

9. It isn’t who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.
-This is true is so many aspect but once again I go back to the mountain story. Of where I was running with a guy that I was supposedly better then and I let him beat me up the mountain because I told myself I can't run hills let alone a mountain. And of course he beat me up. My ex-coach and him said he never should have beat me up the mountain and that I was in better shape then him. So instead of thinking to myself, who I was (a better and more fit runner then my partner) I only thought of who I wasn't (not a good hill runner). And of course this held me back as a runner. Sometimes I think I can't beat a runner and that they are better then me and not think about how much I have improved and where I really am as a runner that will hold me back from running my best. So they could actually be behind me at this race as far as where they are fitness wise but I tell myself they are better then me I should be behind them and that is where I will run( behind them). Even if this is minutes away from where I should be running, unless I am strong enough in the race to know that I am better then this and go ahead and go around them. But by not giving myself enough credit as a runner I hold myself back sometimes. Also in recovery I can hold myself back by saying I am not doing good enough I am not getting anywhere and I can't recovery, instead of looking at the improvements I have made and where I have came from and where I am right now as opposed to where I was. SO by telling myself these negative things I hold myself back from recovery. So you don't hold yourslf back by what you are capable of right now but instead you hold yourself back by telling yourself what you are not capable of.

10. Nothing in this world is impossible to a willing heart.
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If you are willing to put your heat into whatever it is that you are after you can get it as impossible as it might seem if you are willing and put your heart into it it can become possible. This isn't saying that this will be easy NO! It is saying you have to be willing to do whatever it is you heart desires. You will have to work for it. You will have to dedicate yourself to it. You will have to live it. You will have to become it. Yo have to be willing to do whatever it takes and you have to want it in you heart. In running I have my goals for my 50k that seem impossible and ever being able to run my first 50 miles (this year hopefully) seems impossible, but my heart is so willing to do whatever it takes to make these goals possible. So I am going to go out to these races not thinking these goals are impossible but thinking that these goals are possible and I can accomplish them. With recovery if your heart is willing to go after it with everything then recovery can be possible. As I have said before you have to believe "With God all things are possible."

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My Take: Quotes 2

1. "Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks"
-some of my closest friendships have been broken by other people or them themselves and you are right they are never the same. You can become friends again and act like nothing happened but it is always different it is never the same. You aren't as close anymore, you lose trust and maybe respect for each other. I had a friend talking behind my back when I thought I could trust her and she ended up telling this other person everything I was confiding in her as my closest friend. So this in turn made the one person hate me and broke my trust with the her. We still sorta have a friendship but it is not the same. It is broken in millions of pieces. You can clearly see all the cracks.


2. "We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on."
-My hope for regaining some of the friends I have lost is gone. There is no way they will ever exist. Some of these people want nothing to do with me. They shut me out of their life and never want me to come back in. So I think hope can be lost. There will be no picking up these friendships where they left off. I can leave a million lights on and they won't find their way back home because they don't want to.


3. A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.
-If your dream doesn't take sweat, hard work and determination then you have set you goals too low. A dream is something that should be attainable but not easily attainable. You should have to work for it. And if you just assume you don't have to work and the dream is just going to come true out of nowhere you will be mistaken. You also have to be determined if you aren't determined to make it happen and just go out and hope it will happen that won't be enough either. You have to work hard at it if you slack off you dream won't get fulfilled. If you aren't willing to work hard then why are you dreaming of such things with hope they will happen. If you don't work hard for them you don't deserve for the dream to come true.

4.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.
-Any time you are going through a hard time and pull through is just more strength to know you can get through it the next time something bad happens. It gives you the confidence to know you got through a hard time once you will get through this hard time as well. It doesn't mean that the hard time will be easier to face each time. It just gives you strength to know you can handle the situation and confidence to know you will make it through and courage to face the problem head on and not avoid it.

5. Blessings are placed within our reach, but they are not placed within our hands.
-We are very blessed. There are blessings all around. Sometimes you don't think of it right away as being a blessing. Like you might not think that being able to run, no matter what pace you are at, is a blessing but it is very much a blessing there are millions of people who can't run for medical reasons. You have been blessed with being healthy enough to be able to run. But those are for simple blessings we just overlook. But for blessings on a bigger scale, the blessing is there for you but you have to take action to make it yours. Like someone is going to be blessed to win the race, if you want that to be you, you have to do something to make it be you. You have to work for it and train for it and do what you are supposed to do. You aren't just going to be blessed with a win put in your hands, you have to reach out and take hold.

6.When the world says, "Give up, "Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
-When people have given up on you ever feeling better, recovering, or running up to a certain standard there is always that little voice of hope you have that says give it another shot, you can do it, just try again. Maybe it was just a bad day or it wasn't meant to be this time. But don't give up just because everyone else has. When everyone else has given up on you is when you need to look deep inside and find that glimmer of hope you still have that things will get better, or you can do it or you can run faster. Find that hope and don't let go no matter what even when everyone else has said it's not possible you go out and make it happen, show them. When they say you can't do it, go out and prove them wrong and do it. Never lose that hope.

7. If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again
-This goes with NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. Whether you keep your goal the same and just retry in a different race or you decided to focus on a different race entirely. So if you set out with a goal to hit a certain distance or run 100 miles and you go out and things don't go your way and you weren't as fast as you wanted or didn't make it as far as you wanted. Don't be afraid to try again. go to the next race with that same goal or modify the goal and pick a new distance. This is what I had to do. My ex-coach had set the goal for me to run the OTQ in the marathon and then she gave up coaching me. Now with my new coach we are focusing on ultras. So I had to give up on the dream of the OTQ and deal with the heart break of a broken dream but made a new goal. We have our key races picked out if everything goes well. And they are all Ultra distances races. We have also set goals for the next 5 years, not key races but distances and standards. So no matter what the case is a bad race a coach turning there back on you pick up those lost pieces/goals and don't be afraid to start over and begin again.

8. Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.
Things that are difficult such as recovering, running a certain pace or distance will take time it won't just happen over night. But things people don't believe can happen that are even harder, some say impossible, take even more time but they can be accomplished, you are just going to have to work that much harder for it. Don't let anyone tell you, you can't do something, that it is impossible. Get out there and show them with extremely hard work that it can be done and you will do it. As the quote goes "With God all things are possible."

9. There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound."
-Since the only friends I have are long distance friends I have to think this is but true. The fact that you can be friends with someone who is not there with you, Who you don't see in person, who you just communicate through phone, computer, etc. and can relate to them and understand them and encourage them and consul them is someting amazing. Having a relationship with someone you see everyday is very easy to do. But keeping a relationship with someone you don't is so much harder. There is a special bond....... I don't know I am not kinda into this one right now.... I have been hurt by some of the people this quote was meant for so I am just not in to it today for this quote so that is all you are going to get today on this one :(

10."Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon."

I have heard people say you will never fully recover and I think that is like putting a limit on something. I think or at least I am going to hope that it is possible to fully recover. I have people tell me that I am only so good that they are better then I'll be and negative comments putting a limit on my ability when we have yet to see what I can fully do, so don't put limits on me when we have yet to seen me at my full capacity (I hope). Don't tell me I can only be this good and I'll never be that good. Don't say this is a best as I can do and that is it. Don't just settle with what you think you are capable of handling reach out further, harder. Don't set limits, or let anyone else set limits, on you. You don't know what you are capable of until you go out there and do it. having a goal yes is a good thing but who says you can't do better then that goal. My goal for my 3 hour run was to get 22 miles in and I ended up getting 23.25 would have been more if i wouldn't had leg pain starting at mile 13. But I didn't try to run hard, I just went out and ran comfortable and set the goal at 22 but when I saw I was ahead of the goal, I didn't think "Oh no what am I doing" I thought "awesome, how much extra can I do." Never limit yourself and NEVER let someone else limit you. Reach out of your comfort zone, beyond the sky we can see and reach out for that moon, of unlimited possibilities.

My take: Quotes 1

I love quotes and have a good friend that is really sick right now and I am sending her quotes for her to read. I thought I would comment on some of the quotes that I found. Whether it be about running or being positive or friendship.

1. "All things are possible until they are proved impossible-and even the impossible may only be so as of now."

-I fell in love with this quote I think it can give hope to everyone no matter what you situation is, whether you are battling an ED or with you running goals. With your running it could be something like an injury, lack of motivation, just getting back into shape after taking some racing time off or just not quite being where you want to be, you can start to think in your mind that you will not get there that it is just not possible. Which could be true if you want to race in a week you might not be where you want to be but that doesn't mean given more time and training you won't get to where you want to be. If you are after winning a race but you know someone better is coming and you know you can't beat them that means maybe this year it's not possible but that doesn't mean next year it's not possible. Or the year after. It doesn't mean because you can't do it one year that you won't be able to do it another year or even maybe a different race. And if it's and ED and you think it is impossible to recover, maybe it is just right now because you are not willing to let it go completely, but that doesn't mean you can't make up the next day and have a new outlook and things change completely and before you know it you no longer say you have an ED but are recovered from and ED.

2. "Friendship : Our greatest joy and our greatest sorrow . For without our most cherished friends our world is so often filled with sad tomorrows."

-I will say friendship has brought me some of my greatest joy and some of the most sorrow I have felt too. Having friends like Laura that send you amazing creations she makes herself or a little bible verse to help you bring me so much joy. It brings me joy because I love and treasure these things but also because I know the love and joy she puts into making them. Such as recently the scarf she sent me for Christmas. I wear it everyday to work, I love it. Ten you have someone like Annette who is an accomplished ultra runner send me a Christmas package of running stuff to help make my Christmas brought me so much joy to know that someone else cared. And when I first got out of treatment Amy brought me joy in a monetary way to help me be able to help my parents pay the bills. Giving me the joy of being able to help out my family. And having the joy that she knew that I was in desperate need and she provided for me simply because she loved me and she felt God told her to help me. Then the joy of making a friend I didn't know all to well while I was in treatment but becoming amazing friends through facebook with her. Kim brings me joy by just now being my friend when we are living a country apart. Then I have other friends that I show so much caring and compassion for but they don't return it. I leave them messages all the time or comment on their statuses whether it be a good one or bad one, and always ask what is going on but they choose not to share with me but rather their other friends instead, really brings me sorrow because I care for these people like they are some of my closest friends but it seems as if it is merely a one way friendship. Like I am the only one commenting on their statuses and they don't comment on mine good or bad. They don't reply to my messages promptly just whenever they feel like it. It is like I care what is going on in their life and they won't share, and I share about mine and they don't care. It brings me extreme sorrow. It is painful to feel this part of friendship. Or even more painful they don't reply period. Or they have betrayed you and talked behind your back to someone and got you hurt and in trouble then became best friends with that person and left you out in the cold.


3. "A person without any friends is like a tree without its roots."
-I often feel like I am a person without friends and I agree that it is like a tree without roots for the fact that a tree without roots can no longer exist, neither does your heart. You feel lonely, isolated, and like no one cares, like there is no one to turn to when you need to talk to someone. Maybe I feel this way because I have no friends in the state that I live in. The people that are my closest friends are friends that I have met at Remuda and still write hand letters to or friends from facebook that I message and as you know they are not always there. So at times I feel like I have no one to share something with whether it be good news or bad. I feel alone and question whether my friends are really my friends or do they just feel obligated to write back and do it as they please to and not when they have time just whenever they feel like getting back to you, even if it is something important. So not having anyone to call or visit I often feel like I don't have friends and it is true like a tree without roots you don't feel like you exist.

4. "I will always be able to get through the dark times in life, as long as my friends are waiting for me in the light."
-I might be having a rough time but writing a letter to Laura, Amy G and Joy (just to name a few) or sharing a message with Kim or a runner friend. Knowing they will "listen" and are there to support me and help me through the rough times. When all I see is the darkness knowing they are there waiting to say something to me to help turn things around helps me to get through. I might have to wait to get a reply but knowing they are there waiting keeps me going and pushing through the rough time until they get back to me with their encouragement and kindness and most of all their LOVE. That keeps me going through rough time and brings me some joy to turn things around.

5. "A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope."
-I pray for my friends everyday sometimes, it's directly by name or sometimes to the group they belong to, like my friends that are runners, or are facing ED. I always hope these prayers find these people and help make them strong and get them through whatever they are going through at the moment. I recently had a few good days and one of my friends Ashley R. said her prayers had been answered. To know she was praying for me and that could have been why I had 3.5 amazing days was powerful. I try to bless my friends with love by telling them I love them and showing them I love them with messages or letters or such, I am not able to give presents to my friends as I am in an extremely poor financial situation. But I try to show my love in other ways by letting them know I care about them. I have had friends that have blessed me with their love monetarily or with posession and that is amazing they can and are willing to do that. I feel their love and the way they show it. However they choose to show it. I am really good at encouraging others. I am not good at encouraging myself but can do this and always do this for others no matter what the encouragement is over. My friends are always there to encourage me to have a great and fun race or to be strong when I am struggling. Encouragement is a powerful thing we should all do for each other. I hate the opposite. I hate when other bring each other down and discourage them no matter how big or hard their goal may seem.

6. When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.- Helen Keller

-I admit I am extremely guilty of this. If something happens that makes me happy then it gets taken away I spend too much time dwelling in the past and the what might have been. Instead of opening my eyes to see there could be happiness somewhere else out there for me. Such as my time in Idaho I was so happy out there and had planned on going back out there to try to make a new life for myself but after a falling out with my ex-coach this happiness and joy to life got taken away from me and I spent and still am guilty of it thinking about it and what I could have done differently or how it could have been better or just spending time thinking about it wile not thinking that maybe there is something better for me out there. Maybe I can be happy doing something else. Maybe this door got slammed closed in my face but there might be another one waiting to be opened by me. So I need to stop focusing on the past happiness I once had and try to look for a new sense of happiness.

7. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.

-We can know everything there is to know about something, how to be a good runner, how to recovery but if we don't apply what we know we never will. And just be willing to do something isn't enough you must do it. Just be willing to go for a long run doesn't mean anything I have to actaully go out there and do a long run. Just being willing to recovery doesn't mean I will, I have to take actions and try to recovery. I can know exactly what I need to do to run a sub 3:40 50k but if I don't apply what I know I probably won't get that outcome. I can be willing to run a sub 3:40 50k but that doesn't mean I will, I actually have to go out there and do it. I ca know everything I need to know to recovery but won't unless I apply what I know and not just be willing to recover actually go after it and recover,

8. The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.

-I am also guilty of this all the times saying I cannot do this or that. That I cannot recover or I cannot run that fast or that far. This negative outlook I learned we produce those negative results. I learned this in Idaho while trying to run up a mountain. All my life I have been told I am not a good hill runner so I went in with a bad attitude of I can't do this. And all the way until 3 minutes to the top I kept telling myself that i can't run hills let alone mountains. And was just miserable the whole time. Then I thought to myself what would, my coach at the time say, and I thought, "I love hills/mountains" and started to repeat this in my head instead of I can't do this and I got closer to the guy ahead of me. However that guy should never have been ahead of me but me telling myself I cannot run hills let it wide open for him to smash me on the hills until the final 3 minutes when I started to close in. The next week I had a hill workout and on every hill I told myself that I can do this I love hills and it was one of the easiest workout I had done. I did the same thing with quarter repeats on the track. I've learned if I say I cannot do it I most likely won't but if I say i can thre is a possibility that I can do it.

9. "You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed."

-I am having a hard time with this one but I understand it and know it is true. I have had a lot of friendships end. I try to make them work but they don't and eventually the person stops talking to me altogether. And what I really need to think is that if it could just end like that it was never a friendship. Like having someone tell you they love you and still care about you but no longer want you in their life. That is not a true friend. In that situation as much as it seemed to be there was something there and we were like best friends, even family, if you can tell someone you no longer want them in your life they were never truly your friend to begin with so I have to accept that this person never really saw me as a friend and move on as hard as it is. So when I think I have lost so many friends I have to realize these people weren't friends to begin with so I am not losing friends I am just losing people that were once in my life. That even if it felt like it a friendship never existed if they can just walk away from you.

10. "I wish I was a glow worm, A glow worm's never glum. 'Cos how can you be grumpy When the sun shines out your bum!"

-I had to add this quote at the end. It so helped make my week. I am now striving everyday to be like a glow worm. This quote actually made me laugh out loud for a long time. And several times after reading it. I have not laughed like that in years this quote brought me joy. It is saying strive to not be grumpy everyday, you can find something to be happy about. Find it and enjoy it even if things are rough. I don't have much to say about this one, I just hope maybe it made you smile a little lie it did for me.

Take Care of yourself and may God Bless you if you believe in him and may you have a good run and good remaining weekend and a good week ahead.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Summing up 2009 "Catch a dream and RUN....





















To sum up 2009 there were some ups and downs:
Up: PRing in every distance from 2 miles-50k.
Down: Not getting a faster PR in the 50k
Up: Qualifying for 50k Worlds
Down: The actual race at Worlds
Up: USA 50k Nationals
Down: The last couple of miles at Nationals
Up: Getting first Marathon Win
Down: Total mileage for 2009
Up: Mileage in August
Down: Mileage in Oct-Dec
Up: Some of the ultra runners I met
Down: Some of the runners (ultra or not) I met that dislike me now

Races of 2009:
-Jan. 24th- Frozen Nose 4 miler- 1st Place Female- 10th Overall- 25:15- (PR at the time)
-Feb. 15th- Last Chance for Boston Half Marathon- 1st Place Female-9th Overall-1:30:12 (PR at the time)
-March 1st- USA 50k National Championships/Caumsette- 3rd Place Female- 13th Overall- 3:46:30 (PR) and (PR at marathon 3:06:37)
-April 5th- Athens Half Marathon-1st Female- 15th Overall- 1:24:52 (PR) (set PRs at time in everything from 4 miles up)
-April 26th-Toledo "the disaster" marathon- 2nd female 11th overall- 3:14:18
-May 25th- Lancaster Memorial 5k- 2nd female- 18th overall- 19:03 (PR at time)
-June 7th- Columbus 10k- 5th female-39th overall- 38:29 (PR) (set 5k PR at time 18:40)
-June 20th- Run for the Rose 5k- 1st female-5th overall 18:55(19:06)
-June 27th- Hyde Park Blast Elite 4 miler- 9th female- 24:38
-July 4th- July 4th 10 miler- training run- 1st female-6th overall- 1:04:55
-July 11th- Columbus Running Company Mile "disaster"- 5:42
-July 23rd- Suicide Prevention/ Touching Lives with Hope 5k- 1st female-8th overall- 18:19 (PR)(Course record)
-Aug. 1st- Lancaster Festival 5k- 1st Female-13th overall- 18:50
-Aug 1st- paced last 19.6 miles of the Burning River 100 miler-
-Oct 4th-City of Trees Marathon, Boise, Idaho- 1st female, 8th overall- 3:01:43 PR
-Oct 31st-World Trophy 50k- Gibraltar 3:52:38 5th place
-Dec 12th- Festivus Fat@$$ 50k- Columbus, Ohio- 3:56:59 -1st place overall

PRs set in 2009
2 miles- 11:46-7/23 (during Suicide Prevention 5k)
5k- 18:19- 7/23 (Suicide Prevention 5k)
4 miles- 24:22- 6/7- (during Columbus 10k)
5 miles- 30:49- 6/7 (during Columbus 10k)
10k- 38:29- 6/7 (Columbus 10k)
15k- 59:38- 4/5 (during Athens Half Marathon)
10 miles- 1:04:18- 4/5 (during Athens Half Marathon)
Half Marathon- 1:24:52- 4/5 (Athens Half Marathon)
Marathon- 3:01:43- 10/4 (City of Trees Marathon)
50k- 3:46:30- 3/1 (USA 50k Nationals/Caumsett Park)

Highs and Lows:
Highest mileage week- 93 miles (week of 2/2)
Lowest mileage week- 33 miles (week of 12/4)

Highest day ran- 32.7 miles (Oct 31st (worlds))
Lowest day ran-1 mile (Sept 20th (supose to be a 0...excluded 0s)

Highest month- August 352.5 miles (avg 11.37 miles/day)
Lowest month- November 228.3 miles (avg 7.60 miles/day)

-Ran 363/365 days of the year- (The 2 days I didn't run I was stuck in Airports all day to and from Worlds)=
-99.44%
of days ran for the year
-Total Miles for 2009- 3362.55 miles
-Average of all 365 days- 9.21(24657534...repeating) miles/day
-Average of 363 actual days ran- 9.263085399449035812........ miles/day

Each month breakdown:

January- 31 days total/31 days ran- 278 miles total- avg/day 8.(967741935483870 repeating)

February- 28 days total/ran- 255.35 miles total- avg/day 9.1196(428571 repeating)

March- 31 days total/ran- 289.5 miles total- avg/day 9.3(38709677419 repeating)

April- 31 days total/ran- 256 miles total- avg/day 8.5(3 repeating)

May 31 days total/ran- 280 miles- avg/day 9.04(838709677413 repeating)

June 30 days total/ran- 290 miles- avg/day 9.(6 repeating)

July 31 days total/ran- 315 miles- avg/day 10.(161290322580645 repeating)

August 31 days total/ran- 352.5 miles- avg/day 11.3(709677419354838 repeating)

September 30 days total/ran- 311 miles- avg/day 10.3(6 repeating)

October 31 total days/30 days ran- 270.4 miles
all 31 day average/day- 8.7225806451(612903225806451 repeating)
all 30 days ran average/day- 9.01(6 repeating)

November 30 days total/ 29 days ran- 228.3 miles
all 30 days average/day- 7.60 miles
all 29 days ran average/day- 7.872413(7931034482413 repeating)

December 31 days total/ran- 236 miles- avg/day 7.(612903225806451 repeating)










So to sum it up. I had some of the greatest moments of my life in 2009 as far as running goes. Such as setting all those PRs with my Dad beside me all the time, believing in me. I had some things I extremely regret. I met some of the greatest people, like Annette B., Kami S, Nick J and Eric B, just to name a few. I also saw some ugliness in some people that I had looked up to (actually quite a few). I made some mistakes that I regret. I did and experienced things I'll never forget. I shocked some people with my performances and some people turned against me because of my performance. I was on a competitive team this year but wasn't "good enough" in some ways to be on the Club Nationals team and that hurt. However, it just meant I got to get another overall win in an ultra. I got to travel on a plane in the first time in like 20 years and not just travel travel, I got to travel overseas. I got to run for the USA, in a jersey, I told people that was my goal when I first got into ultra running and people were telling me that basically I was nuts to think that and I pulled it off my first year in running competitive ultras, and qualified for Worlds in my first competitive ultra and my first 50k. I set high goals and met most of them. Had some disappointments along the way too (Toledo, Worlds ect). Have been dealing with pain in my left leg starting in late August and going through still currently having pain. It subsided for a short amount of time when I was in Idaho but had came back before Worlds. I tried to keep it a secret when it came back but after so long you just can't take it anymore. It still hurts me everyday. I've tried resting it and that doesn't help. I can feel the pain just laying down. I have had to battle my ED unsuccessfully. I have had someone set some new goals for me only to have them broken and had to set some new ones. I have some bad or painful memories. But then I have some of my best memories ever. I have learned people aren't who you think they are. I have learned that strangers can be some of the most amazing people in the World. I have leanred that your dreams can come partially true. (I made the trip there but the race didn't go as planned). I have lost some friends and been hurt by people I was close to. I have had to deal with my severe depression. I have had some amazing runs and some of the worst runs of my life. I've been betrayed by people, been turned away from people with no explanation. I have some runners that won't accept my friend request but do others and that hurts. I have made some great friends from people that I have met online. I could go on and on forever....... but will stop here. I hope you had a good 2009 and have a better 2010. and remember to "Catch a dream and RUN with it."