Wednesday, June 12, 2013

My Absence and Return to Running

I guess I should explain why I have been missing from the World for a few months.  It all started 4 or 5 months ago.  My depression got out of control and I couldn't get myself out of bed, not even to run.  After awhile of this I made a trip to see my doctor in Virginia and we knew we had to make some kind of change.  So she added a new medication and reduced one I was taking. I hate change but I knew we had to try something.  However, this time change proved to be wrong way to go.  My depression only got worse and everything fell apart.  I stopped running and stopped caring. I wouldn't leave my house expect for therapy appointments. I gained 24 lbs, which made the depression and self-hate that much stronger. Things were beyond a turn around point. I was on the edge of a cliff, teetering with one foot and the wind was blowing and I was waiting for a gust to take me down.  I didn't care how bad things were and to make it worse I didn't care that I didn't care.  My therapist was tracking this spiral out of control and after so long told me she wanted me to contact my doctor about it.  I had no intention of doing so because I didn't care how awful things were. So the next week she got a hold of my doctor and my doctor phoned me about what was going on.  She decided to tapper me off the new medication and up the one we cut back up to the normal amount.  Things didn't turn around right away but eventually and slowly I could feel the horrible burden and darkness sounding me lift up a bit.

 I started running again on May 8th.  And have been running since then on a steady basis.  (Will post a log later down the post.)  I want to get back into racing again but I want to be able to race a 5k in the 22 before I race again and things aren't coming so fast this time.  What used to be an easy 8 min mile pace has now become a hard 10 min mile pace.  Once I get some speed back I want to get back into ultras again, too.  I already know the ultra I am most looking forward to doing but it is held around October and I know I won't be ready for an ultra in October of this year.  I am just taking things on a day by day basis because I never know when the depression will become so bad again that I can't leave the house to run.

Wed 5/8-  2 miles
Thurs 5/9- 2.5 miles
Fri 5/10- 2 miles
Sat 5/11- 3 miles
Sun 5/12- 3 miles

Mon 5/13- 3 miles
Tues 5/14- 3 miles
Wed 5/15- 3 miles
Thurs 5/16- 4 miles
Fri 5/17- 4 miles
Sat 5/18- 4 miles
Sun- 5/19- 4 miles

Mon 5/20- 5 miles
Tues 5/21- 5 miles
Wed 5/22- 5 miles
Thurs 5/23- 5 miles
Fri 5/24- 6 miles
Sat 5/25- 6 miles
Sun- 5/26- 6 miles

Mon 5/27- 6 miles
Tues 5/28- 7 miles
Wed 5/29- 7 miles
Thurs 5/30- 7 miles
Fri 5/31- 7 miles
Sat 6/1- 8 miles
Sun- 6/2- 8 miles

Mon 6/3- 8 miles
Tues 6/4- 8 miles
Wed 6/5- 8 miles(dead legs, kept fighting because I knew 0 was soon)
Thurs 6/6- 8 miles(dead legs kept fighting because I knew 0 was soon)
Fri 6/7- 1 miles (couldn't fight anymore, Dad drove with me to get the 31 straight days of running)
Sat 6/8- 0 miles (had no way to run)
Sun- 6/9- 8 miles

Mon 6/10- 9 miles
Tues 6/11- 9 miles

Hoping to keep this up but I guess that is a day by day thing I will have to fight through.


2 comments:

  1. Rock on, Kid! Way to get back up swinging. I've never made it a whole month without a day off. Way to do it smart too...ramping up like you did. You can totally run an ultra in a couple months if you want. Certainly Andiamo's friendly terrain, anyway! Maybe you won't finish as fast as in the past, but definitely with a smile on your face! That's what matters most!

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    1. Thanks "Pacer Dan".. You know the exact race I want to do but I do feel that I should hope to do it next year

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